James & The After Life
by kabcsi
Summary: This is about James Grissom and his death. Possible Spoilers for Episode Still Life. R


**Disclaimer: I don't own csi. Wish I did but I dont.**

You know people always talk about the life after death. How good it is, all the great things like going heaven being reunited with the family and friends who died before you. That's a beautiful thought. Well from the mouth of a dead man, the truth is death is not that at all. Its an experience full of sorrow that unfortunately everyone will have to face.

The hardest thing about death is not death itself, its the after life, not that its much of life. No, the hardest thing about death has nothing to do with you, its about everyone else. All the people you left behind are the ones suffering. Those who aren't dead. That's really all you think about when you die.

_'How long have I been sleep?'_ That was my first thought when I died, because I did not know that I was dead. I thought maybe I had just dozed off on the couch. Its not until I was looking over my body that I realized that I was dead. I went through the shock of _'why me', 'what happened', _and the_ 'now what stage'_. I stopped thinking about me when I looked over to the other person in the room, my son . He just sitting there looking at the glaring tv screen unknown to the fact that his father's dead. I try to call out to him but he doesn't respond. I then touch his shoulder but his eyes remain fixed on the screen in front of him. I'm in a haze, shocked by the fact that I'm dead and that my son can't feel my presence. I can't say that I expected to him though.

I'm pulled out of my haze when I hear my wife come in. She's so beautiful, like she's always been. Her beauty and her personality makes one oblivious to the fact the she lacks her sense of hearing. I'm amazed by her everyday.

Shes bringing in some glasses of lemonade. I know that its about to happen. The love of my life will now find out that Im not longer with her. I stand there and watch, waiting for the dreaded moment to occur. Its sad, watching that. My wife is smilling not knowing what she's about to find out, and I all I can do is wait and watch.

She now puts the drinks down and calls for me. Her being deaf causes her speech to be somewhat off, but when she says my name

I can hear its so clearly.

My spirit form is responding to her voice, but the physical is not. And the physical form of me doesn't respond she starts to shake me. Her smile starts to disappear. She stops, like she finally realizes whats wrong. She then starts screaming my name. My son finally turns around. My wife is still screaming my name. Seeing her in so much pain makes me want to weep, to bad the dead can't cry, though we want to.

My son gets up and rushes to his mother and tries to find out what's going on. Her tries to sign to her, but she just grabs his face and tells him to go to his room. He doesn't at first. And she yells at him saying the same thing as before;"go to your room". He runs to his room while my wife runs outside. I don't who to follow, my wife or my kid because they both need me, but unfortunately I can't be of any assistance. My wife is running door to door trying to tell the neighbors the best way she can that her husband isn't breathing. I see Mrs. Glenn and her husband rush over to our house and then over to my body. Mrs. Glenn runs over to the phone and calls an ambulance. I decide to check on my son.

He's sitting on his bed, just starring at a wall. I wonder what he's thinking. He's always thinking about something. whether its about books, science, his bike, or those damn bugs, he's always thinking. My son reminds me of myself, I think that's the reason why I took so much pride in teaching him. He too amazes me. I know that this will change him in many ways, some good changes and some bad.

There are so many things that I wanted to tell him. So many things that I wanted to teach him.

I'm taken away from my thoughts when Mrs. Glenn comes into my boy's room and touches him gently.

"Come on Gil. We have to go."

"Where's mom?"

"She's on her way to the hospital."

"Why?"

"Because...you'll find out when we get there."

"Why can't I know now?"

"Just come on."

"Where's dad?"

"With your mom"

"Its about dad isn't it? The reason we are going to the hospital"

My son is always questions what he doesn't know. I always told him its good to ask questions, that's the way to learn. I told him that he shouldn't be ashamed about being intelligent. That was when he got in trouble with a teacher for repeatedly asking questions. The teacher thought that he was trying to show off when that was not the case. This is why I also told him that there is an appropriate time to ask questions and to be careful about what questions to ask.

I see Mrs.Glenn guide my son out of his bedroom and into her car. She tries to put a hand on his shoulder but he moves away so she can't.

Once Gil gets into the car I get in as well, my spiritual form not making a difference in the seating arrangements. By habit I try to buckle my seat-belt, but I stop, realizing that the dead dont need seat-belts because the worst has already happened. The car pulls off and we drive to the hospital where body is located. I'm still wondering the reason why they would need to take a dead mans body to a hospital. The hospital is a place for the living, not the already dead.

I look over at my son who is sitting beside me. He's starring at a window, again I wonder what he's thinking. He's biting his bottom lip, something he picked up from his mother. I don't understand how one can relieve stress by inflicting pain on themselves, but I guess it works.

We arrive at the hospital, and I can already see my wife. I've never seen her so distraught. My son walks over to sit right beside her. He reaches over and holds her hand. I wonder where my son learned how to comfort. I remember telling him that he was to help protect his mother and when I'm gone to take on my position. He remembered. But it pains me because I didn't think that he would only be nine when he would have to do it.

I watch my family for the next few days. The family members on my side come and visit, shocking that the only time they come and visit is when I'm dead. My wife is still in shock, and my son has stayed in his room and is not talking, not that he talked much in the in the first place. The only time he really talks is what he's excited or if he's talking to his bugs. I caught him one day and he was slightly embarrassed. That thought actually made me smile.

Its now the day of my funeral. My wife is getting my son ready. She still looks beautiful. Even with the all black attire and the grim face, she still is beautiful. My son has Sunday clothes on. I can tell he's uncomfortable. My wife is brushing his hair overflowing with brown messy curls. I don't know how many times I've tried to get him to cut his hair. Gil is very overprotective of two things, his bugs and his hair.

Im now at my funeral. Until now I never thought that it was possible for a man to attend his own funeral. Its awkward.

Its small but at the same time I feel that its too big. Half the people here I don't know. There are also a few people here who I know didn't like me but here just to celebrate that Im no longer apart of their lives.

People begin to leave, the only ones that stay are my wife and son. I stand in front of them and tell them I love them, though I know they can't hear me.

Eventually they too walk away and I'm left here alone. I gaze at my headstone. Its has never been so hard to look at my own name.

_James A. Grissom_

_1928-1964_

No the after life is not what you have been told. Reality is that the after life, is not a life at all.

**A/N: I actually found some time in my life to write this. Don't worry Im going to continue and finish While Your Away.**

**Please R&R this story. I know its grim and sad, but I'll be soon writing a grissom character study and some of the things in here will be included in that story. Thank's for reading.**


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